Pump Up the Volume/Liar Liar Pants on Fire

When a recipe is really easy, the directions usually read:

"Just add water".

Well, I know a very simple recipe for crazy and it reads:

"Just add man".

Lately I've been feeling that unfamiliar feeling that one is only able to grasp during certain times in one's life.

That feeling is called peace.

I've been spending some quality time with friends as of late. I've been working out regularly. I've been eating well. My studies are coming along swimmingly. My trip for Europe is booked.

It's aaaaall good. All of it.

My therapist thinks that our work is done here.

I think..."Not so fast Dr. D".

All I need to derail the whole thing is a man. Yup, like a hole in the head...that's just what I need.

Cause let's face it, peace is a wonderful thing, but...isn't it kinda boring?

Wouldn't it add some color and spice to my life if I were spending all of that quality time with my girlfriends agonizing over something some guy said, or some unreturned phone call?

Wouldn't my mornings be better spent lying in bed for an extra hour (or five) imagining my future life with (literally) the man of my dreams?

Wouldn't we all have more to talk about if I spent a week crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry's and getting fat only to then cry because I can't zip up my skinny jeans?

And wouldn't it be interesting if I stopped studying and then had to cram for that test in September?

IT SURE WOULD!

I hate to bore my readers to death, but this is what happens when there's no man in my life to fuck everything up. It gets quiet.

Actually, there's a Bjork song, I'm pretty sure it's a cover, that dives into exactly what I'm talking about:

it's oh so quiet
shh
shh
it's oh so still
shh
shh
you're all alone
shh
shh
and so peaceful until

(loud horns)

you fall in love
simple
the sky up above
simple
is cavin' in
wow bang!
you've never been so nuts about a guy
you wanna laugh
you wanna cry
you cross your heart and hope to die
...til it's over

and then
shh
shh

You get the idea.

Yeah, that's me right about now.

I say...BRING ON THE NOISE!

******************************************

All of that being said...I'm lying a little bit.

A lot of bit actually.

I totally have a crush on someone.

Oh god. Why me?

Why can't it all just be easy?

Why must I pine for someone?

Why do I have to be a woman?

What can I do, but sit around and wait for this man to notice me?

Why hasn't he noticed me?

It's taken every ounce of strength not to actually jump into his lap when I see him.

If I were a man and things were reversed I'd have asked him out already and I would know if my feelings were just hanging out out here all alone or whether they were going to be reciprocated at some point.

But then again, the shear agony of not knowing is often what makes a crush so sweet. Cause, what happens when you get your answer and you don't like it?

I'm not ready for that.

If that turns out to be the truth...then Jack Nicholson said it best:

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

I mean...let's face it...I started my blog today with a total lie.

"Peace" my ass!

I'm freakin' dyin' ova hea.

I feel like I'm in high school.

Every time I see this person the world becomes all minty and fresh...like I just bit into a York Peppermint Patty.

I am serious!

What's a girl to do?

The other bits are true though...even though I'm walking on a cloud half the time these days...I've still got both of my feet planted firmly on the ground. (How is that possible?)

Maybe Dr. D is right and our work here is through. Maybe adding a man doesn't have to mean adding a dash o' crazy after all.

Well, there's only one way to find out...