*Tumbleweeds

I got absolutely NOTHIN' to talk about.  But, I'm committed to this freakin' blog, so I'm gonna pull something out of my ass just for you.

The first order of business is that I've decided to try some stand-up.  After unlocking my "Kundalini" (aka Creativity) energy last week via an intense yoga session, some jokes just started coming to me.  Well, it didn't exactly happen like that.  I did the yoga, then I later moved on to doing laundry and when I was in the garage folding my clothes this crazy monologue of jokes just started rising to the surface.  I'd tell 'em to you, but then it wouldn't be a surprise when you come see me at the comedy club.  Bah!  I mean, I hope they are jokes, cause if I get up in front of people with a microphone and it turns out it's just a bunch of random stupid idiotic thoughts that are going to embarrass me after I tell them to strangers then that's going to really suck.

Hmmm...what else?  I went to a really fun birthday party last week.  I mean, I think it was really fun, I was pretty drunk, so maybe it was super boring and lame, but I remember it being fun, so I'll just go with that.  There were some minor celebrities there and that's always cool in my book.  Especially when they happen to be two of the hottest guys you've ever met, which they were.  Neither of them could have been less interested in me, but whatever.  I can still enjoy an attractive man even if he's blowing me off, actually, especially if he's blowing me off.  I really seem to be into that.  The party was for a guy I kinda sorta dated about six years ago.  He's a hysterical comedian.  He's really cute too.  Things didn't work out with us cause I think I remind him of some parts of himself that he really really hates.  I have that affect on a lot of people.  He likes to point out things that make me feel insecure and then when I tell him he's being mean to me he says it's all in my head.  It's totally dysfunctional and as a result, I pretty much want to marry him.

I don't know if it's coming across, but I'm feeling pretty down and out today.  I've basically gotten to a point where I cannot imagine a scenario EVER happening where I will meet someone.  I just think this whole schtick has gone on too long.  It's become too big.  It has completely taken over.  A friend of mine recently said to me, "Nobody feeds the hungry", basically meaning that as long as I stay desperate to find someone to love, I never will.  Another friend said to me tonight, "As soon as you stop giving a shit, someone's going to come along."  Well, guess what?  They are never coming then, cause I'm never going to stop giving a shit.  Humans are social animals, we are meant to meet other people and pair up and procreate and do all of that stuff.  I told her it'd be like me not being able to wear a shirt and then someone saying, "Just don't worry about it.  As soon as you stop caring that you don't have a shirt on, someone will let you borrow one of their shirts."  Um, okay.  I'll just walk around topless like it's not bothering me.

Mr. Sandman was nice enough to scrape the bottom of the man barrel again this week.  I had a dream that Christopher Robin (from previous blog) and I were totally madly in love.  I hate having to wake up from those dreams.  I already wrote a blog about a similar situation a few months ago, so I won't go into what that feels like, but it's rad that my subconscious keeps doing that to me.  And by "rad" I mean totally fucked up and obnoxious and cruel.  I'm hoping it was one of those premonition dreams that I've been having lately.  I swore today that when I was at Whole Foods I was gonna run into him, but I didn't.   So, yeah, so far it was just a pointless dream meant to make me super depressed about what I want and don't have.

This blog sucks.  I promise to have something fun to talk about in the near future.  For now, I'm going to put you and myself out misery and stop typing.

*This blog was titled "Tumbleweeds" today because I am obviously experiencing a drought, but there are a few random things blowing around and that's all I had.  I hope you didn't fall asleep while you were reading this.