Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Who knew this was going to turn out to be a baby-crazed blog? Babies are all up in my grill lately and although I'm lovin' it, it's still a tiny bit of a slap in the face.

This weekend I was invited to the birthday of a one year old. Then, later that day, I visited with an out of town friend who has a brand new baby. Yesterday I was innocently sitting in yoga class waiting for it to begin and in walks a friend of mine sporting a surprise bump. And last weekend was dedicated completely to my nephew who is, what else?...a baby!

I enjoy them. The babies. I've said it before. I love to be around them and they are just so freakin' cute that I can't get enough. But at the same time, it's just another big reminder of everything that I don't have and well, what can I say? It hurts.

Cause not only do I not have a baby now, but I'm not even pregnant, and not only am I not even pregnant, but I'm not even having sex, and not only am I not even having sex, but I'm not even married, and not only am I not even married, but I'm not even engaged and not only am I not even engaged, but I'm not even in a relationship, and not only am I not even in a relationship, but I'm not even seeing anyone...or dating...or crushing. It's dismal.

I begged my girlfriend who was visiting from out of town to just give me her new baby. I mean, it's her third! What the hell does she need three for? And I've known her since I was four years old. She's my oldest friend and I really think she could work on her sharing skills, cause if you ask me, that's just dang selfish.

At thirty-five I am now at the cut-off for high risk pregnancy. So by the time I actually do get pregnant, there's a chance the kid might have downs or something cause I'm so old. I don't feel old. I don't look old. But according to Mother Nature, I'm old. And it's risky for me to procreate now.

I'm wondering if this sad turn of events (my life) is due to the fact that I wrote up a living will/contract in my early twenties saying some bullshit about how I would never get married. It might have included that I wouldn't have babies either. If that's what this is all about, I'm screwed. Cause I don't know where that thing is. I think what I need to do is find it and burn it. I signed it with witnesses and all. I think I was mad at my parents or something that day.

I've decided to adopt. Not this weekend or anything. I need some money first. I'm one paycheck away from utter destitution, so I won't be able to support a baby on my own any time soon, but Rome wasn't built in a day.