The Luckiest People

Today I watched the dumbest movie ever made.  It was called "Hope Springs" and it was starring Heather Graham, Colin Firth, and Minnie Driver.  That alone should have been enough to keep me from entering the disc into my television set, but boredom won, so watch I did.  Kids...do not try this at home.

What is with these movies where there's a small town and either a handsome stranger arrives, or is already residing there, and some girl meets him and has her Cinderella moment and lives happily ever after with this backwoods Price Charming?  I mean, get real.

I've been to those towns.  You know who lives there?  Toothless alcoholics.  That's it.  There are no handsome strangers, coming, going, or rotting away there.  I mean, if you are a hot guy with brains and talent, why would you visit a place that can't be found on a map?  And if you already lived there, you either started drinking, getting fat, and losing your hair right after high school (leaving you toothless and an alcoholic) or you left and pretended to never be from there.

Like George Costanza (who is fat, bald and neurotic...not toothless or an alcoholic though) I am currently at a point where I cannot imagine a scenario where I will ever meet anyone, ever again.  That being said, I've felt this way before and contrary to my depressing belief, there always is a scenario where I do meet someone.  But, then again, my therapist used to always say that past performance does not predict future outcome, so...maybe I've seen my last scenario.  That remains to be seen.

To be clear...I'm not looking.  I'm just barely crawling out from under my bereavement rock, so a relationship isn't really in the forefront of my mind, nor is it at the top of my list of priorities, I was just thinking about that stupid movie.

What else?

Well, I had come to my blog earlier today to write this post, but got sidelined by a comment that someone had left that was in response to my last blog.  It spoiled my mood, but luckily I was able to bounce back.  The comment was from a stranger (I haven't had any strangers reading my blog up to this point--that I know of), so it was a bit odd.  It was like getting fan mail, except the person blasted me for being a humbug.  The jist was that my loneliness (that I've expressed off and on in these pages) was of my own making and that I was depressingly depressed.  Um...yeah, well, death isn't something that our culture necessarily has an instruction manual on...I'm doing the best that I can.  As for loneliness...I think Barbra Streisand said it best:  "People who need people are the LUCKIEST people in the world".  And to quote my recently departed BFF (quoting Forrest, Forrest Gump):  "That's all I have to say about that."

Actually, no it isn't.  Depression is real.  Yes, it can be treated with medication, and yes, there are things you can do to raise your seratonin levels naturally:  eating right, exercise, meditation and the like, but nevertheless, for better or for worse it happens.  I don't think that I overstayed my welcome in the land of the recently bereft.  And as for my loneliness being my fault...(again to quote my BFF:  "That's debateble!")  Loneliness is part of the human condition and from what I can tell (what I've heard, what I've witnessed, what I've been told, and what I've studied), we are all lonely...even when we are not alone.  I've been reading a lot of Buddhist texts and they touch on this quite a bit.  It's all about acceptance, and I work on that every day.

Speaking of Buddhists, if you've been reading the blog, then you know that I went to see the Dalai Lama.  I was hoping to gain some insight into my recent situation(s) and at the time I think there was just too much to digest.  Having some distance from the event, I've been able to gather the following:  The Dalai Lama is a regular human being.  Just like you and me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be disrespectful.  He will tell you the same thing himself.  It's true.  I can't say I'm happy about it, I was hoping to feel some sort of magic, but in digesting this concept, I've come to realize quite a few things.  If the Dalai Lama is just like you and me, then we are just like him.  And that's good to know.  Doesn't it make you feel good just to think of being like the Dalai Lama?  You should.  You are.  I don't need to tell you what his talk was like, you can go out and buy his book "An Open Heart".  It is almost verbatim the talk that he gave when I went to see him.  Back to my realization.  It's been good to sit and listen to the Dalai Lama speak and to read the Buddhist teachings...especially at this difficult time.  I've learned that even the Dalai Lama has issues with patience, frustration...I can't think of what else, but just the regular stuff that you and I deal with on a daily basis.  His whole point though is that there is still happiness to be found even with all of this other  stuff that we have to deal with.  He's found it...and he's been in exile for over 30 years.  Forgive me for trying to summarize, but I did want to mention my experience, I don't however want to misquote the Dalai Lama...if you want to know more, go sit with him, or read one of his books.

I just think that for me this was a big eye opener for how hard I can be on myself.  Which in turn can make me hard on others...which ain't good.  It's hard to hear "you are too hard on yourself" from a friend or a family member, it's altogether different to hear it from the Dalai Lama.  He's not bound to lie.  Or to say something just to make you feel better.  Okay, well he wants us all to feel better, but not because he wants us to shut up and stop bitching, but because he really and truly knows that we CAN feel better.

I wish I could have met him.  I know someone who did meet him.  I believe I mentioned him many many blogs ago.  An ex that I called "Joseph".  He has to be the worlds biggest jerk...oh wait a minute...I mentioned him more recently actually.  He's the ex that I ran into right before I left LA.  Blech.  Anyway, yeah...that douchebag got to meet the Dalai Lama.  (Never thought you'd hear the words "Douchbag" and "Dalai Lama" in the same sentence, did you?)  Well, leave it to me.  "Joseph" was actually on a private plane with His Holiness and got to have a whole conversation with him and everything.  Lotta good it did him.  He has to be one of the worlds least compassionate people.  Psh.  Just another shining example of how life ain't fair.  I know, I'm not being very nice...or compassionate right now, but...it's my blog and I'll be un-PC if I want to.

Well, I hope (for your sake) that in the next few months that my life returns to a somewhat normal state and I can regale you with more tales of woe and douchebaggery.  It would sure be a nice change of pace!  Until then, don't be too hard on yourself;)