Better Off Dead (Part II of III)

I decided to make this a 3 part post because I know that there is no way in HELL that I am going to get through the "no man" portion of this today. As a matter of fact, I think that I'm going to give each man his own blog as what "You WILL Bring Me Flowers" is really about at it's core is the fact that I'm single and hating it...and I don't understand men and it's fun to talk about and even more fun sometimes to write about.

Anyway, this is "Part II" of my previous post and it will skim over the career aspect of my failings here in Hollywood.

"CAREER" (what a laugh)

Now about that career...I moved here to act. I pursued it very lightly for about 2 years. I had a commercial agent. I couldn't afford acting class at the time (still can't really) and I didn't think a theatrical agent would take me without any formal training. My commercial guy was good though...very good. I was out there every day, sometimes 5 auditions in one day, and I even booked a few jobs, but in that period of time I never hit the jackpot so to speak (no national commercial spots for me) and the pay wasn't very good. It got to the point where starving myself (okay, I didn't starve I ate cigarettes and drank diet coke)...while working out for 2 hours a day, driving all over town, changing my clothes in the street, putting my hair up, then taking it down, covering my blemishes, walking around in front of strangers in a bikini and not really having anything to show for it (cause there's always someone younger and thinner than you) started to take it's toll. I quit. Just like that. I decided to go back to school.

That (school) has been a constant ever since. I might take a semester off here and there, but I am always studying something...first it was English and Modern Art, then Piano and Ballet (I have a dance background), and most recently Screenwriting. Still, I have no degree and no desire to obtain one. I am an artist and eventually, as hard as it gets to pursue my artistic endeavors, they beckon me back and I, once again, become a slave.

That brings me to the next career pursuit which was that of a singer/songwriter. I pursued that for about the same about of time as I pursued the acting before a few snags halted that whole plan. I performed a bunch of shows, co-wrote the music and lyrics to a musical, made some crappy demos, started to train with a coach and took those piano lessons, but once things started to get technical, it sucked all of the fun out of it and my writing partner and accompanist had to start looking for work that would actually pay the bills. Feeling abandoned and frustrated (if people think finding success as an actor is hard, they should try becoming a musician) I decided it was time to start looking for another means of making my fortune.

And that brings us to career pursuit number 3 and that's screenwriting. I'm 30 pages into my script. The idea for which is very highly praised by professionals and civilians alike. It has potential, but I've hit a wall and while I have no intention of quitting until it is finished, I have allowed myself until after the new year to shelve the project.

So, back to what I said in my previous post...I don't think I'm a loser. It's not that I don't work hard, take risks or have any talent, it's something else. And it's not like I'm not a cool chick who can't maintain friendships or easily make new friends, it's something else. And what that "something" is has yet to be figured out. Part of me thinks it's location location location. Which is why I'm considering moving...but I just haven't decided yet.