If At First You Don't Succeed...

Day 12

Not proud of it from a Yoga stance, but had to get drunk in order to make my last night in London happen.  Clearly not too drunk to type this blog, but just drunk enough to GO without grabbing onto the first hot guys leg that I see and hold on with all of my might screaming, “Don’t leeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaveee meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!”.

Tonight was amazing.  Went to see “Hair”.  My brother knows the star and another guy who is working on a production here in London and so we ended up having dinner with some of the original Broadway cast.  What did YOU do tonight? 

Yeah, didn’t think so. 

In addition, we jumped onto the stage for the finale of “Let The Sun Shine In” and subsequently marked one of the best nights of this entire trip, if not one of the more poignant moments of my life.

Put that in your pipe…you know what to do with it.

Now for the lame (and typical of me) part of today…

So, we are leaving Victoria Station to go to Buckingham Palace when we spy a hot guy with an Adonis bod walking a few feet ahead of us…sans shirt.  Um…hello!  So, we start to joke about how I should go up to him and tell him how I want to have ten thousand of his babies when he just stops…stops right there in front of us in the street.  So…like any hot-blooded American Woman who happens to be eating an apple in the middle of Victoria Station I say, “Heeello!” (you know, like I think I’m May West)…and he says (with an embarrassed laugh—cause he’s topless), “Too hot, too hot”.  Now keep in mind, this is “Too hot” with an English accent.  I meeeaaaaaaaan.  I laughed and kept on walking and muttered, “Yes, it is…”.  Well, my brother and I get a few steps away and start to deduce what the hell is going on here.  Why did he just stop in the street?  Why is he still staring at us every time we turn back?  Should I go say hi?  I already said “Hi”, what else can I say?  Should I go talk to him?  Is this my chance to score on vacation?  Is he a hooker?  Why isn’t he wearing a shirt?  This IS London after all, it’s not freakin Nice for crying out loud!  Oh my God, he’s still looking!  Should we stop walking?  Should we turn back?  Would YOU go up to him? I ask my brother.  Probably not, but that’s probably why I’m single, YOU should totally go talk to him.  But what would I say?  Go say “hi””.  I ALREADY said “hi”.  Go ask him for directions.  But shouldn’t HE be thinking of a way to approach ME?  I don’t know, it’s different in the Gay world. 

Ugh. 

So, my brother walks away and pretends to go look into this pub while I finish eating my apple without being cock-blocked for the zillionth time on this vacation and Hot Topless Guy continues to stare at me from down the block.  I contemplate what to say and what to do (after all, I’m leaving in the morning, where could this go? What would be the point?---why can’t I see that this DOESN’T MATTER!!!! Until after the fact?), but I’ve been too brain washed by “The Rules” to make a move and after about five minutes HTG decides the jig is up and turns down the street and disappears. 

I pout for the next two hours while hopelessly scanning every crowd of tourists that he won’t ever in a million years be a part of.

Before that two hours is up, we decide to grab a hot dog from a stand in the park near Buckingham Palace.  Here we spy the cute French Hot Dog Guy.  Now, normally, I wouldn’t pay any mind to a dude who works in a park at the Hot Dog Stand, but…I’m on vacation, and he’s pretty, so all bets are off.  Freshly rejected and dejected and mad at myself after what happened with HTG, I decide to not repeat the same mistake twice.  So, while FHDG is grilling my bun (no pun intended) the girls he’s working with start to pester him about who he’s “in love” with.  He gets flustered and embarrassed, so as I go to put mustard on my dog I ask one of the girls:  “Who’s he in love with?”  I don’t know what the F was going on back there, but she claims to not know who he’s in love with although I think he was talking about ME in French.  I then relay this whole episode to my brother who has not been within earshot of this whole scene and he tells me that while this is an improvement from playing too hard to get with HTG, that I should have straight up asked the Hot Dog guy and not one of his co-workers what was going on.

I guess I have to just chalk it all up to a learning experience and know that next time, I just have to be more direct.  F$%^ “The Rules” once and for all.  They suck…and they don’t work…At least not on this side of the planet.

One thing is for sure…the only straight dude we had dinner with from the cast of “Hair” was into me, and although I didn’t do anything about it…

Well, for tonight anyway…

After all, tomorrow is another day!

See you on the other side of the pond!